Keep Walking
by Alynn McBride
Summary: My first real GW piece in a while, and, as usual, really nothing more than introspective angst.


Title: Keep Walking

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Pairings: 1x3

Rating: PG- Mild language

Notes: Songfic: Lyrics- "A Stray Child" by Kajiura Yuki. From the anime .hack/SIGN. I don't own GW or .hack/SIGN- don't sue me; I'm not worth it.

PS- If anyone figures out who is narrating this, tell me, please. I don't really know beyond the fact that it's either Heero or Trowa…

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Watching; waiting from the sidelines. There's really nothing I can do other than stand in the shadows behind you and look-

Always looking, never touching…

_If you are lost in your way-_

_Deep in and awesome story-_

_Don't be in doubt and stray,_

_Cling to your lonesome folly._

Will you come to me when you're lost? When you have nowhere else to turn to, will I be your last recourse?

How glorious would that be? To have you come to me, seeking my help in finding your way. What happiness would you bring me!

If only I could find a way to say it; a way to tell you what truly hides behind these eyes, this mask. The human that I am- that I want to hide from the world, to show no one but you- aches as I look on you; you in your pristine beauty.

You don't know it, but you torture me- just by living, breathing, existing- you kill me by inches. Slowly, but surely, I am dying- because of you.

_Now you're too close to the pain,_

_Let all the rain go farther._

_Come back and kiss me again;_

_Mother, oh do not bother._

Do you even know how close you are? There is so much that I can only guess at- so much that I think, but I can never be sure of it until I ask you, talk with you, tell you.

But that thought makes me afraid- I, who have never admitted fear before, am suddenly trembling at the thought of simply talking to another person. So many times I have come so close, only to have my fears rebound, and come back to haunt me, killing what of my courage I managed to muster to talk to you; the words die before they even reach my lips, and I am forced to retreat, everything I want to say left unsaid.

Those silent, unspoken fears are what make me this way: what if you don't feel the same way? What if, once I confess, you are forced to crush my hopes and my heart, because you don't feel as deeply, or the way I do? What if you shoot me down? What then? What will happen to me? To us? To the friendship we already have? What damage could my confession do?

It's funny, really. How much pain and harm a few words can cause.

_Hear the chorus of pain_

_Taking you back to proper ways._

_It's so easy to find-_

_If you could remind me…_

So then what do I do now? Can you remind me of what I'm supposed to do next?

Of what it's like to be a human? To truly live?

To truly love? Love with a passion- a fire that never burns out. The love that every person dreams of experiencing, if only for once in their life. The kind of love that people would give their lives for. The kind that I don't think I've known until now…

Until you.

_Now you are lost in you're way-_

_Deep in an awesome story-_

_So I will find you again,_

_Kiss you for lonesome folly._

So now it comes to this. Here we are, at the end of the line, so to speak. We stand and stare, and the silence becomes uncomfortable, but nothing comes out. No words are said, no secrets bared, nothing. We are too attached to these masks that we've worn for so long, to let them be this easily given up. We both have an intimate knowledge of those fears we have always wished to voice to each other, but we are afraid to share them for that last final fear that every human nurses.

Rejection. We cling to what solace we have and try to ease the pain, but nothing we do will make any difference. It's that silent nagging fear of being told "no" that keeps the words behind our teeth, our feelings unspoken, our questions unasked.

No one likes to hear that word, "no." It's the ultimate in refusal. The one word that could kill a person, rip out their heart, and then throw it on the ground to be tread upon. Just that little word "no." The one that keeps both of us from saying anything.

So here it is. The moment- the opportunity we've been given to spill out our souls to each other, and fly into the embrace of the one we love; the one we've always been meant to love; the one we are sure we have loved since time began.

Here it is; this is it.

And both of us let it pass us by because of that nagging fear in the back of our minds; the one that will probably keep us aching for the rest of our lives, and that will keep us in regret in whatever afterlife there is. We nod to each other and continue on our way, and that's that.

But, dammit, it hurts… To just keep walking…


End file.
